So YT has been putting some thought into the Midnight Move Up (MMU) by some of the major retailers. I was once told that it is better to respond than to react. I reacted for a while and now I can respond. The MMU movement was/is inevitable. The trend has been moving that way for years. Remember it wasn't that long ago that the 6AM opening was considered early! Why a person could have a proper Thanksgiving, go to bed at a reasonable time, wake up early but not too early, and go out,spend all of your money, and be at Cracker Barrel by.... oh say noon or so. Now enter the MMU people! They have ruined my carefully laid out routine and plans. With everyone starting at midnight I have been forced to use a combination of alchemy, bio-science and animal husbandry to solve this problem.
Let's face it, you can't be everywhere at once. There is only one of you right? Well I have solved the problem sort of.... I call it Clone-O-Matic. What C-O-M does is allows you to have up to 10 replicants of yourself at one time.
Need to be at Wally's to score the $150 deluxe gizmo and be at Tar-shay for the $99 electronic thing a ma jig, when they both open at Midnight? Or how about K-Smart and Big Pots at say 5 AM. Not a problem! With Clone -O-Matic you can make both lines with time to spare!
C-O-M does it all! for only 4 easy payments of $2.6 million, you can have the latest and greatest cloning device available to man. How does it work you may ask? Go ahead and ask... I'll wait....... Thanks for asking, that's a good question. Well here's your answer!
First you remove a toe using our toe removal clippers, which are included in the C-O-M kit (any toe will do). Then you inset the toe into our patent pending cryogenic replicator. Simply add our special blend of secret herbs, spices and dijon DNA sauce. Bring the mixture down to 10 degrees kelvin and in less time than it takes to cook a full grown elephant, you will have your very own clone.
Don't delay! The offer is limited to the first 5000 people who can get their payments into my Credit Swiss bank account before the feds get wise to the plan.
Visit our website @ www.clonemyassquick.tv. Enter the coupon code Jurassic Park into the box on the left of the screen and receive free shipping! Hurry as this deal can't last forever!
More on this later
Cheers
UB
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
HO HO HO!
Visions of BF Past 2007
The tur-duck-en was all nestled in it's aluminum foil bed, with visions of Cajun Ronny dancing in my head.
And I in my PJ's and Mark in his U of I hat had just settled down for a 15 minute nap.
When out on the drive there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the recliner to see what the hell was going on.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a silver Toyota with Kelly in the rear.
The driver was dress in jeans and a parka. The dos in the house where all a barka. barka.
"Get your butt in the car!" the driver she screamed. "We're on a VC run and you know what that means!"
The Toyota was swift like the wings of an eagle, and Mackenzie was hollering like a blankity blank Beagle.
Swift as corsairs the silver car flew, as nearer the interstate the anxious shoppers all drew,
On Darcy, On Kenzie on Kelly let's fly, Uncle Chuck is in the back seat wondering why..
As nearer the Ottawa exit we drew, the shoppers all laughed and shouted Yoo Hoo!
Then to the parking lot the car did fly, the beginnings of a line we all did spy.
The shoppers all rushed to the left hand VC door, except for UB who could take it no more.
The line was getting longer with people twas full, including a woman who looked like a bull.
The sights and the smells oh who could forget, the 2 people in front and the odors they let?
The cameraman snapped his photos with glee, when UB announced that he had to pee.
The doors they opened with a furious rush, the shoppers flew in to the sound of Mush Mush!
On Darcy! on Kelly! on Rory! on Kenzie! On Maureen lets feed this BF shopping frenzy!
And off in the corner a crumpled man lay, with footprints on his back and the marks of a sleigh.
And a murmur was heard as he was dragged out of sight, "Why in the hell did they open at Midnight?
The tur-duck-en was all nestled in it's aluminum foil bed, with visions of Cajun Ronny dancing in my head.
And I in my PJ's and Mark in his U of I hat had just settled down for a 15 minute nap.
When out on the drive there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the recliner to see what the hell was going on.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a silver Toyota with Kelly in the rear.
The driver was dress in jeans and a parka. The dos in the house where all a barka. barka.
"Get your butt in the car!" the driver she screamed. "We're on a VC run and you know what that means!"
The Toyota was swift like the wings of an eagle, and Mackenzie was hollering like a blankity blank Beagle.
Swift as corsairs the silver car flew, as nearer the interstate the anxious shoppers all drew,
On Darcy, On Kenzie on Kelly let's fly, Uncle Chuck is in the back seat wondering why..
As nearer the Ottawa exit we drew, the shoppers all laughed and shouted Yoo Hoo!
Then to the parking lot the car did fly, the beginnings of a line we all did spy.
The shoppers all rushed to the left hand VC door, except for UB who could take it no more.
The line was getting longer with people twas full, including a woman who looked like a bull.
The sights and the smells oh who could forget, the 2 people in front and the odors they let?
The cameraman snapped his photos with glee, when UB announced that he had to pee.
The doors they opened with a furious rush, the shoppers flew in to the sound of Mush Mush!
On Darcy! on Kelly! on Rory! on Kenzie! On Maureen lets feed this BF shopping frenzy!
And off in the corner a crumpled man lay, with footprints on his back and the marks of a sleigh.
And a murmur was heard as he was dragged out of sight, "Why in the hell did they open at Midnight?
Black thursday at Midnight update
Hey David Bowie! Talk about cha cha cha changes! The US Chamber of Commerce has petitioned the federal government to officially change the name of Black Friday to Black Thanksgiving Night at Midnight or BT@M. The petition that is being spearheaded by US senator Herb Kohl is designed, in his words, "to ensure that lazy assed people won't have to get out of bed too damn early. They can just stay up." Coincedentally Kohl's department stores has announced that they will be opening at Mid Night.
People what does this say about America? To me it says "lazy assed people, who won't get out of bed." Wait a minute, that's what Herb just said. What I meant to say was "If it's good enough for the Walton's then it's good enough for everyone". Well what I really meant to say was why the hell do you have to ruin BF? I am grossly disappointed with the move away from "get up get out " to "stay up stay out".
T-G has normally been a day of eating too much and then eating some more. Sleeping it off on the couch will watching Wizard of OZ or something. Going to bed at 9 or 10 and then getting up before the crack of dawn and flying out the door. Rushing to J C Penney's to get Rory's damn snow globe before they are all gone! Gone.... All of it ....... gone! Do you know what it does? It sucks that's what it does.
All my research on parking lots and traffic flows.... Gone! My hours of study on light refraction through tinted cars windows at dawn.... Gone! The migration and scatological habits of the Canadian Goose as it relates to slipping and falling in parking lots!..... Gone!!!!!! My studies on the cumulative effects of caffeine on the nervous system...... Gone! My study on the deleterious effect of "Pot O' Gold"..... Gone!!!!! My brief nights sleep.......... GONZO baby! Now is the time when all good people buy cases of "5 Hour Energy" and hope for the best!
Cheers
UB
People what does this say about America? To me it says "lazy assed people, who won't get out of bed." Wait a minute, that's what Herb just said. What I meant to say was "If it's good enough for the Walton's then it's good enough for everyone". Well what I really meant to say was why the hell do you have to ruin BF? I am grossly disappointed with the move away from "get up get out " to "stay up stay out".
T-G has normally been a day of eating too much and then eating some more. Sleeping it off on the couch will watching Wizard of OZ or something. Going to bed at 9 or 10 and then getting up before the crack of dawn and flying out the door. Rushing to J C Penney's to get Rory's damn snow globe before they are all gone! Gone.... All of it ....... gone! Do you know what it does? It sucks that's what it does.
All my research on parking lots and traffic flows.... Gone! My hours of study on light refraction through tinted cars windows at dawn.... Gone! The migration and scatological habits of the Canadian Goose as it relates to slipping and falling in parking lots!..... Gone!!!!!! My studies on the cumulative effects of caffeine on the nervous system...... Gone! My study on the deleterious effect of "Pot O' Gold"..... Gone!!!!! My brief nights sleep.......... GONZO baby! Now is the time when all good people buy cases of "5 Hour Energy" and hope for the best!
Cheers
UB
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