So YT has been putting some thought into the Midnight Move Up (MMU) by some of the major retailers. I was once told that it is better to respond than to react. I reacted for a while and now I can respond. The MMU movement was/is inevitable. The trend has been moving that way for years. Remember it wasn't that long ago that the 6AM opening was considered early! Why a person could have a proper Thanksgiving, go to bed at a reasonable time, wake up early but not too early, and go out,spend all of your money, and be at Cracker Barrel by.... oh say noon or so. Now enter the MMU people! They have ruined my carefully laid out routine and plans. With everyone starting at midnight I have been forced to use a combination of alchemy, bio-science and animal husbandry to solve this problem.
Let's face it, you can't be everywhere at once. There is only one of you right? Well I have solved the problem sort of.... I call it Clone-O-Matic. What C-O-M does is allows you to have up to 10 replicants of yourself at one time.
Need to be at Wally's to score the $150 deluxe gizmo and be at Tar-shay for the $99 electronic thing a ma jig, when they both open at Midnight? Or how about K-Smart and Big Pots at say 5 AM. Not a problem! With Clone -O-Matic you can make both lines with time to spare!
C-O-M does it all! for only 4 easy payments of $2.6 million, you can have the latest and greatest cloning device available to man. How does it work you may ask? Go ahead and ask... I'll wait....... Thanks for asking, that's a good question. Well here's your answer!
First you remove a toe using our toe removal clippers, which are included in the C-O-M kit (any toe will do). Then you inset the toe into our patent pending cryogenic replicator. Simply add our special blend of secret herbs, spices and dijon DNA sauce. Bring the mixture down to 10 degrees kelvin and in less time than it takes to cook a full grown elephant, you will have your very own clone.
Don't delay! The offer is limited to the first 5000 people who can get their payments into my Credit Swiss bank account before the feds get wise to the plan.
Visit our website @ www.clonemyassquick.tv. Enter the coupon code Jurassic Park into the box on the left of the screen and receive free shipping! Hurry as this deal can't last forever!
More on this later
Cheers
UB
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
HO HO HO!
Visions of BF Past 2007
The tur-duck-en was all nestled in it's aluminum foil bed, with visions of Cajun Ronny dancing in my head.
And I in my PJ's and Mark in his U of I hat had just settled down for a 15 minute nap.
When out on the drive there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the recliner to see what the hell was going on.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a silver Toyota with Kelly in the rear.
The driver was dress in jeans and a parka. The dos in the house where all a barka. barka.
"Get your butt in the car!" the driver she screamed. "We're on a VC run and you know what that means!"
The Toyota was swift like the wings of an eagle, and Mackenzie was hollering like a blankity blank Beagle.
Swift as corsairs the silver car flew, as nearer the interstate the anxious shoppers all drew,
On Darcy, On Kenzie on Kelly let's fly, Uncle Chuck is in the back seat wondering why..
As nearer the Ottawa exit we drew, the shoppers all laughed and shouted Yoo Hoo!
Then to the parking lot the car did fly, the beginnings of a line we all did spy.
The shoppers all rushed to the left hand VC door, except for UB who could take it no more.
The line was getting longer with people twas full, including a woman who looked like a bull.
The sights and the smells oh who could forget, the 2 people in front and the odors they let?
The cameraman snapped his photos with glee, when UB announced that he had to pee.
The doors they opened with a furious rush, the shoppers flew in to the sound of Mush Mush!
On Darcy! on Kelly! on Rory! on Kenzie! On Maureen lets feed this BF shopping frenzy!
And off in the corner a crumpled man lay, with footprints on his back and the marks of a sleigh.
And a murmur was heard as he was dragged out of sight, "Why in the hell did they open at Midnight?
The tur-duck-en was all nestled in it's aluminum foil bed, with visions of Cajun Ronny dancing in my head.
And I in my PJ's and Mark in his U of I hat had just settled down for a 15 minute nap.
When out on the drive there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the recliner to see what the hell was going on.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a silver Toyota with Kelly in the rear.
The driver was dress in jeans and a parka. The dos in the house where all a barka. barka.
"Get your butt in the car!" the driver she screamed. "We're on a VC run and you know what that means!"
The Toyota was swift like the wings of an eagle, and Mackenzie was hollering like a blankity blank Beagle.
Swift as corsairs the silver car flew, as nearer the interstate the anxious shoppers all drew,
On Darcy, On Kenzie on Kelly let's fly, Uncle Chuck is in the back seat wondering why..
As nearer the Ottawa exit we drew, the shoppers all laughed and shouted Yoo Hoo!
Then to the parking lot the car did fly, the beginnings of a line we all did spy.
The shoppers all rushed to the left hand VC door, except for UB who could take it no more.
The line was getting longer with people twas full, including a woman who looked like a bull.
The sights and the smells oh who could forget, the 2 people in front and the odors they let?
The cameraman snapped his photos with glee, when UB announced that he had to pee.
The doors they opened with a furious rush, the shoppers flew in to the sound of Mush Mush!
On Darcy! on Kelly! on Rory! on Kenzie! On Maureen lets feed this BF shopping frenzy!
And off in the corner a crumpled man lay, with footprints on his back and the marks of a sleigh.
And a murmur was heard as he was dragged out of sight, "Why in the hell did they open at Midnight?
Black thursday at Midnight update
Hey David Bowie! Talk about cha cha cha changes! The US Chamber of Commerce has petitioned the federal government to officially change the name of Black Friday to Black Thanksgiving Night at Midnight or BT@M. The petition that is being spearheaded by US senator Herb Kohl is designed, in his words, "to ensure that lazy assed people won't have to get out of bed too damn early. They can just stay up." Coincedentally Kohl's department stores has announced that they will be opening at Mid Night.
People what does this say about America? To me it says "lazy assed people, who won't get out of bed." Wait a minute, that's what Herb just said. What I meant to say was "If it's good enough for the Walton's then it's good enough for everyone". Well what I really meant to say was why the hell do you have to ruin BF? I am grossly disappointed with the move away from "get up get out " to "stay up stay out".
T-G has normally been a day of eating too much and then eating some more. Sleeping it off on the couch will watching Wizard of OZ or something. Going to bed at 9 or 10 and then getting up before the crack of dawn and flying out the door. Rushing to J C Penney's to get Rory's damn snow globe before they are all gone! Gone.... All of it ....... gone! Do you know what it does? It sucks that's what it does.
All my research on parking lots and traffic flows.... Gone! My hours of study on light refraction through tinted cars windows at dawn.... Gone! The migration and scatological habits of the Canadian Goose as it relates to slipping and falling in parking lots!..... Gone!!!!!! My studies on the cumulative effects of caffeine on the nervous system...... Gone! My study on the deleterious effect of "Pot O' Gold"..... Gone!!!!! My brief nights sleep.......... GONZO baby! Now is the time when all good people buy cases of "5 Hour Energy" and hope for the best!
Cheers
UB
People what does this say about America? To me it says "lazy assed people, who won't get out of bed." Wait a minute, that's what Herb just said. What I meant to say was "If it's good enough for the Walton's then it's good enough for everyone". Well what I really meant to say was why the hell do you have to ruin BF? I am grossly disappointed with the move away from "get up get out " to "stay up stay out".
T-G has normally been a day of eating too much and then eating some more. Sleeping it off on the couch will watching Wizard of OZ or something. Going to bed at 9 or 10 and then getting up before the crack of dawn and flying out the door. Rushing to J C Penney's to get Rory's damn snow globe before they are all gone! Gone.... All of it ....... gone! Do you know what it does? It sucks that's what it does.
All my research on parking lots and traffic flows.... Gone! My hours of study on light refraction through tinted cars windows at dawn.... Gone! The migration and scatological habits of the Canadian Goose as it relates to slipping and falling in parking lots!..... Gone!!!!!! My studies on the cumulative effects of caffeine on the nervous system...... Gone! My study on the deleterious effect of "Pot O' Gold"..... Gone!!!!! My brief nights sleep.......... GONZO baby! Now is the time when all good people buy cases of "5 Hour Energy" and hope for the best!
Cheers
UB
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Oh the Humanity
This just in!
Office Products Giant Staples has petitioned Dictionary writer Webster's to have the definition of the word "Instant" changed from it's current meaning of "at this time or immediately" to mean "sometime before the next Easter". While on the surface this may seem silly. experienced BF shoppers can smell a rat! Staples has long used the rebate strategy to lure shoppers into their stores on BF. The "after rebate" model has been described by long time BF'ers as BS. By changing the meaning of Instant, Staples is hoping to avoid complaints from it's BF shoppers. We have all watched hope die a painful death waiting for the rebate check
An unnamed BF Staples regular points out that the Staples rebate form reads something like a "Chinese Cook book". "If you are lucky enough to actually figure it out, you wait until Memorial Day for the money." The rebate forms, which ideally are printed by the cash register as you check out, have long been blamed for the smoke and flames that come out of each register five minutes into the BF shopping day. Those registers burn quicker than the HIndenburg! Oh the humanity!
The 10 foot long forms, are always a source of aggravation. Some families like to have contests to see which will come first, the Easter Bunny or the Money. "It's a great way to keep the kids busy during the long winter" another shopper added. I know several families that use the rebate forms as streamers for their New Years EVe parties. "Its cheaper than confetti and curls easier" one shopper added. "The scorch marks from the burning printer only add to their charm".
Webster's Dictionary is considering the petition. It is expected to take 2-3 weeks to resolve. It may be a co-ink-e-dink but that puts us right at the start of the BF week. Hmmm. Staples has not commented on the petition other than to say. "Hey! It's worth a shot! You know, what do we have to loose?" Your Dignity people, you can loose your dignity!
By the way, I saw a truck backing into the local Staples loading dock. It was full of batteries, Lots and Lots of batteries. Word on the street is that Staples is offering a special door buster deal on the new HP net pad. The rumored price is $149.00 and it comes with the new "Sky Net operating system. It has Wi-Fi and a built in camera with a laser range finder. It also has something called a "launch button". Sounds cool. I will have to check it out!
More as it happens!
UB
Office Products Giant Staples has petitioned Dictionary writer Webster's to have the definition of the word "Instant" changed from it's current meaning of "at this time or immediately" to mean "sometime before the next Easter". While on the surface this may seem silly. experienced BF shoppers can smell a rat! Staples has long used the rebate strategy to lure shoppers into their stores on BF. The "after rebate" model has been described by long time BF'ers as BS. By changing the meaning of Instant, Staples is hoping to avoid complaints from it's BF shoppers. We have all watched hope die a painful death waiting for the rebate check
An unnamed BF Staples regular points out that the Staples rebate form reads something like a "Chinese Cook book". "If you are lucky enough to actually figure it out, you wait until Memorial Day for the money." The rebate forms, which ideally are printed by the cash register as you check out, have long been blamed for the smoke and flames that come out of each register five minutes into the BF shopping day. Those registers burn quicker than the HIndenburg! Oh the humanity!
The 10 foot long forms, are always a source of aggravation. Some families like to have contests to see which will come first, the Easter Bunny or the Money. "It's a great way to keep the kids busy during the long winter" another shopper added. I know several families that use the rebate forms as streamers for their New Years EVe parties. "Its cheaper than confetti and curls easier" one shopper added. "The scorch marks from the burning printer only add to their charm".
Webster's Dictionary is considering the petition. It is expected to take 2-3 weeks to resolve. It may be a co-ink-e-dink but that puts us right at the start of the BF week. Hmmm. Staples has not commented on the petition other than to say. "Hey! It's worth a shot! You know, what do we have to loose?" Your Dignity people, you can loose your dignity!
By the way, I saw a truck backing into the local Staples loading dock. It was full of batteries, Lots and Lots of batteries. Word on the street is that Staples is offering a special door buster deal on the new HP net pad. The rumored price is $149.00 and it comes with the new "Sky Net operating system. It has Wi-Fi and a built in camera with a laser range finder. It also has something called a "launch button". Sounds cool. I will have to check it out!
More as it happens!
UB
Who Knew
This just in......
Rumors are swirling like Autumn leaves, that Retail Giant Federated Department Stores has lost the use of their catch phrase "lowest prices of the season" . In what can only be called truly stunning, Fred's Printing in Peoria Illinois laid claim to the slogan in a billing mess gone bad for Federated. Fred Snodgrass, owner of Fred's Printing, wife Shirley, a recent graduate of Peoria Community College with an Associates Degree in Paralegal Assistant, snuck a clause into the most recent printing contract for the weekly Bergner's ad flyer, that gave Fred's the right to the slogan if the bill for printing got beyond 35 days. Federated, which has always been a net 60 kind of company, didn't notice the addendum and sent it the PO. When the bill hit 36 days, Shirley and Fred pounced like cats on a mouse, and grabbed the catch phrase for themselves! Additionally, the contract allegedly requires Bergner's to use the word "Fred" in place of the word "Price or Prices". This is quite a coup for Fred and Shirley's business, which has been struggling as of late.
YT blew a call into Federated, but only got some questionable denials. I have seen a couple of things that lend credence to the rumors. First, Bergner's flyer for next week promises "Lowest Freds of the Season on Select Items". and Season, Fred's Printing is having a "Special Sale" on Business Cards and Holiday Cards, promising "The lowest Prices of the Season". Add this to the list of "Things that make you go Hmmmmmmm".
I checked out the Target Christmas Toy Catalog. I noticed that remote controlled items seem to be the hot item this year. They have some new items that caught my eye. One was a remote controlled ICBM with a "simulated" 40 megaton warhead. Another nifty one was the 80 ton RC Abrahns M1A1 tank with range finder and simulated 155 MM howitzer with "realistic" shells. They also are featuring a "life like" commander robot that has a built in web interface and a 10GHz processor with something called "Sky Net" software. Looks cute! I may have to get one.
I swung by the local Home Depot this morning looking for Halloween close outs. I was not impressed with what they had. Too little too late for me, I did notice that there was a truck in the loading dock that had lots and lots of batteries. I may be crazy but ........
More as it happens
UB
Rumors are swirling like Autumn leaves, that Retail Giant Federated Department Stores has lost the use of their catch phrase "lowest prices of the season" . In what can only be called truly stunning, Fred's Printing in Peoria Illinois laid claim to the slogan in a billing mess gone bad for Federated. Fred Snodgrass, owner of Fred's Printing, wife Shirley, a recent graduate of Peoria Community College with an Associates Degree in Paralegal Assistant, snuck a clause into the most recent printing contract for the weekly Bergner's ad flyer, that gave Fred's the right to the slogan if the bill for printing got beyond 35 days. Federated, which has always been a net 60 kind of company, didn't notice the addendum and sent it the PO. When the bill hit 36 days, Shirley and Fred pounced like cats on a mouse, and grabbed the catch phrase for themselves! Additionally, the contract allegedly requires Bergner's to use the word "Fred" in place of the word "Price or Prices". This is quite a coup for Fred and Shirley's business, which has been struggling as of late.
YT blew a call into Federated, but only got some questionable denials. I have seen a couple of things that lend credence to the rumors. First, Bergner's flyer for next week promises "Lowest Freds of the Season on Select Items". and Season, Fred's Printing is having a "Special Sale" on Business Cards and Holiday Cards, promising "The lowest Prices of the Season". Add this to the list of "Things that make you go Hmmmmmmm".
I checked out the Target Christmas Toy Catalog. I noticed that remote controlled items seem to be the hot item this year. They have some new items that caught my eye. One was a remote controlled ICBM with a "simulated" 40 megaton warhead. Another nifty one was the 80 ton RC Abrahns M1A1 tank with range finder and simulated 155 MM howitzer with "realistic" shells. They also are featuring a "life like" commander robot that has a built in web interface and a 10GHz processor with something called "Sky Net" software. Looks cute! I may have to get one.
I swung by the local Home Depot this morning looking for Halloween close outs. I was not impressed with what they had. Too little too late for me, I did notice that there was a truck in the loading dock that had lots and lots of batteries. I may be crazy but ........
More as it happens
UB
Friday, October 28, 2011
40320 minutes
Well Well Well... It's finally gotten down to this. 4 weeks and counting. I feel invigorated. I feel refreshed! I feel on top of the world. "I'm the King of the World!", hand on there Leonardo we're just getting started. Anyway I feel......Here it is 3 days before Halloween and I am getting into full Black Friday form!! Could it be the sugar buzz from the bag of Snickers that I just found? I can't say. No really I can't say, my mouth is full of Snickers!
This is the time when the good try to get better and the better try to get best. YT has begun the annual training program. Each year it gets trickier and trickier to work yourself into tip top shape. I mean how do you prepare to stay up all night to shop at stores that you will be at 6 more times before Christmas? The toll on the human body is frightening! I have seen some of the best BF'ers in the world crumble like Aunt Jenny's dinner rolls after 25 minutes in the oven! I have seen adults behave like petulant 2 year old's. I've seen screaming and fighting and chaos and that's just in my house on a Saturday! I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen sunny days that I thought would end ... hey wait a minute! too much time listening to the Muzak at Menard's! More on that later......
I have my own patented training method. It may sound a little different but it seems to work for me. Just yesterday I spent 20 minutes yelling "Kenzie...Kenzie.. where the hell is Kenzie? Jesus H Christ can't she stay found for 5 GD minutes?" Boy that felt good! My doctor says I need to yell more. I am hoping that I can get in screaming shape by the 21st.
Then I found a cold hard piece of concrete outside and sat there for almost an hour practicing waiting for the Mall Gift Bag. Let me tell you folks that can give you buns of steel or at least frozen buns. Why you might say "Hey knuckle head, it's just another tote bag that will hang i the garage for 3 years until you throw it out!", I say "remember 2010". Remember the $50 gift card. Remember ... oh hell I already forgot.
Next I went to Menard's and stood outside in the cold for 2 hours just to get a feel for the place. Man I hope that those batteries are worth it! By the way, the music that they play over the PA System at Menard's is really mesmerizing! I really love it. Lots of smooth jazz! Just as an aside... Did you know that "You always save Big Money at Menard's"?
I cruised by the Walgreen's to see how the traffic flow was. Man there is a special place in the depths of hell for the person who designed the parking lots at Walgreen's. You can get in.... but just try to get out! It's worse than a ":roach motel". The customers check in but they ....No sign yet of any Blue Ray players being shipped in.... Must be too early. I did see a semi truck pulling in with batteries, lots and lots of batteries.
YT is very concerned that this could be the year that the machines take over the world. I guess that that might take lots and lots of batteries. LOTS and LOTS of BATTERIES!
Then I stood outside the WalMart just because I could. Shockingly, I was not alone. There were at least 50 other people waiting in line for the 32" flat panel TV that was going on sale in only 2,419,200 seconds. 25 people were waiting for the $300.00 laptop and 17 people told me that they "always stand outside the WalMart". There was a Semi Trailer loaded with batteries in the loading dock but no sign of any of the $19 inkjet printers. I don't know is this means anything but the line outside the Target was only about half as long.
Did you know that "You always save Big Money at Menard's"?
On to the Mall. I scoped out the Sears Parking lot . It was empty as usual. Except of course for the weird couple in the red pick up truck who are always there. I asked them if they were getting in line for the big Black Friday sales event. They tasked me "What's a Fry Day?". I noticed that there was a semi truck in the loading dock of the Radio Shack. They were unloading Batteries.
LOTS and LOTS of batteries!
There was a tent city outside the Best Buy that I thought was part of some protest about Wall Street. I talked to a few of the happy campers and found out that "Best Buy has some really smokin' deals bro!". 360 Craig told me he wanted to be the first in line to get the new I-Phone 4 for only $499.00. I didn't have the heart......... Oh and there was a semi trailer in the loading dock. It was full of batteries.
LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of batteries...........
More news as it get made up!
Cheers,
UB
Did you know that "You always save Big Money at Menard's"?
This is the time when the good try to get better and the better try to get best. YT has begun the annual training program. Each year it gets trickier and trickier to work yourself into tip top shape. I mean how do you prepare to stay up all night to shop at stores that you will be at 6 more times before Christmas? The toll on the human body is frightening! I have seen some of the best BF'ers in the world crumble like Aunt Jenny's dinner rolls after 25 minutes in the oven! I have seen adults behave like petulant 2 year old's. I've seen screaming and fighting and chaos and that's just in my house on a Saturday! I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen sunny days that I thought would end ... hey wait a minute! too much time listening to the Muzak at Menard's! More on that later......
I have my own patented training method. It may sound a little different but it seems to work for me. Just yesterday I spent 20 minutes yelling "Kenzie...Kenzie.. where the hell is Kenzie? Jesus H Christ can't she stay found for 5 GD minutes?" Boy that felt good! My doctor says I need to yell more. I am hoping that I can get in screaming shape by the 21st.
Then I found a cold hard piece of concrete outside and sat there for almost an hour practicing waiting for the Mall Gift Bag. Let me tell you folks that can give you buns of steel or at least frozen buns. Why you might say "Hey knuckle head, it's just another tote bag that will hang i the garage for 3 years until you throw it out!", I say "remember 2010". Remember the $50 gift card. Remember ... oh hell I already forgot.
Next I went to Menard's and stood outside in the cold for 2 hours just to get a feel for the place. Man I hope that those batteries are worth it! By the way, the music that they play over the PA System at Menard's is really mesmerizing! I really love it. Lots of smooth jazz! Just as an aside... Did you know that "You always save Big Money at Menard's"?
I cruised by the Walgreen's to see how the traffic flow was. Man there is a special place in the depths of hell for the person who designed the parking lots at Walgreen's. You can get in.... but just try to get out! It's worse than a ":roach motel". The customers check in but they ....No sign yet of any Blue Ray players being shipped in.... Must be too early. I did see a semi truck pulling in with batteries, lots and lots of batteries.
YT is very concerned that this could be the year that the machines take over the world. I guess that that might take lots and lots of batteries. LOTS and LOTS of BATTERIES!
Then I stood outside the WalMart just because I could. Shockingly, I was not alone. There were at least 50 other people waiting in line for the 32" flat panel TV that was going on sale in only 2,419,200 seconds. 25 people were waiting for the $300.00 laptop and 17 people told me that they "always stand outside the WalMart". There was a Semi Trailer loaded with batteries in the loading dock but no sign of any of the $19 inkjet printers. I don't know is this means anything but the line outside the Target was only about half as long.
Did you know that "You always save Big Money at Menard's"?
On to the Mall. I scoped out the Sears Parking lot . It was empty as usual. Except of course for the weird couple in the red pick up truck who are always there. I asked them if they were getting in line for the big Black Friday sales event. They tasked me "What's a Fry Day?". I noticed that there was a semi truck in the loading dock of the Radio Shack. They were unloading Batteries.
LOTS and LOTS of batteries!
There was a tent city outside the Best Buy that I thought was part of some protest about Wall Street. I talked to a few of the happy campers and found out that "Best Buy has some really smokin' deals bro!". 360 Craig told me he wanted to be the first in line to get the new I-Phone 4 for only $499.00. I didn't have the heart......... Oh and there was a semi trailer in the loading dock. It was full of batteries.
LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of batteries...........
More news as it get made up!
Cheers,
UB
Did you know that "You always save Big Money at Menard's"?
Part 2827 in a series
So I hacked into the aerospace satellite and tied it into Google Earth and Weather bug and then ran that through the old G3 and I have noticed several things. Migrating Canadian Geese have recently changed their pattern. Following a trail of Goose Scat, and let me tell you that is a slippery slope. I have discovered that there is a large flock of geese that has taken up residence just north of the interstate, right next to the Taco Bell. The possible fall out from this is stunning. That area is considered by many in the know to be the key to the entire BF operation. Now all this may seem like just the rantings of a crazy old man, until you do a Google search on the "Peru Mal". The map that comes up has no tie in to either Peru or Mall. The locator is over a former secret training base for VC employees located near Ottawa IL. YT is researching this as we speak. I am very concerned that the geese may have some connection to both Taco Bell and the now defunct VC. It might just be my imagination, but didn't VC offer a free mutant goose kit with every purchase on BF back in 2007? Is it possible that these mutant geese may be tied to a plot to fill the WalMart parking lot with Goose Poop?
Many have long believed that the death of VC can be tied to the birth of the Gigantic WalMart in Ottawa. Now with the WalNart s in Princeton, Peru,and Ottawa , coupled with the sudden appearance of Goose Scat and the disappearance of the Peru Mall from Google Earth, YT fears that there is a plot brewing to cause chaos on BF. YT believes that the alleged mutant geese may have been trained by the So Cal Chamber of Commerce. Their "Stop Darcy from Going Home for Thanksgiving and Black Friday and a Couple of days before that" better known as SDGHTGBFCDAT" campaign has been stymied by the sudden departure of one DRB on her annual purification trip to 18,000 feet. What do mutant geese, SC CofC DRB and VC have in common? I can't say. Run ours abound that a former CIA operative known only as "Rory Barron" may be involved. Seems they may have an old score to settle about an outfit at Marshall's or something. More on this later.
So anyway the whole Peru Mall disappearance thing....Ain't it sumthin? David Copperfield is en-route to see what he can do to bring it back. I think that it is going to take more than a magician to bring the mall back!
More as I hear it
Moldy Russell's wort
Many have long believed that the death of VC can be tied to the birth of the Gigantic WalMart in Ottawa. Now with the WalNart s in Princeton, Peru,and Ottawa , coupled with the sudden appearance of Goose Scat and the disappearance of the Peru Mall from Google Earth, YT fears that there is a plot brewing to cause chaos on BF. YT believes that the alleged mutant geese may have been trained by the So Cal Chamber of Commerce. Their "Stop Darcy from Going Home for Thanksgiving and Black Friday and a Couple of days before that" better known as SDGHTGBFCDAT" campaign has been stymied by the sudden departure of one DRB on her annual purification trip to 18,000 feet. What do mutant geese, SC CofC DRB and VC have in common? I can't say. Run ours abound that a former CIA operative known only as "Rory Barron" may be involved. Seems they may have an old score to settle about an outfit at Marshall's or something. More on this later.
So anyway the whole Peru Mall disappearance thing....Ain't it sumthin? David Copperfield is en-route to see what he can do to bring it back. I think that it is going to take more than a magician to bring the mall back!
More as I hear it
Moldy Russell's wort
part 43 in a series
Dress for success?
In the haste to prepare for BF, many people neglect one if the most important aspects of BF, apparel. The difference between success and failure is often measured not in inches but in feet. The average BF shopper pays little attention to their feet. Before you know it they go from a lean mean shopping machine to a whining, little bitch. Below is a prime example of what improper footwear can do.
As you can see, this person is dazed and confused. Can you see the lack of enthusiasm on that face? Why you ask? Because of the shoes! How can you focus on the shoppin' when your feets be a floppin'? You can't end of story!
YT does not have a dog in the "most comfortable shoe" fight, however I have seen several recent examples of what seems to work for others. Below is an example if a little extreme e of what some people call comfortable.
The point is whatever works, works. BF is not the time to find out. You will need hours of preparation and training to determine just what works and what doesn't.
My advice is to start training now!
In the haste to prepare for BF, many people neglect one if the most important aspects of BF, apparel. The difference between success and failure is often measured not in inches but in feet. The average BF shopper pays little attention to their feet. Before you know it they go from a lean mean shopping machine to a whining, little bitch. Below is a prime example of what improper footwear can do.
As you can see, this person is dazed and confused. Can you see the lack of enthusiasm on that face? Why you ask? Because of the shoes! How can you focus on the shoppin' when your feets be a floppin'? You can't end of story!
YT does not have a dog in the "most comfortable shoe" fight, however I have seen several recent examples of what seems to work for others. Below is an example if a little extreme e of what some people call comfortable.
The point is whatever works, works. BF is not the time to find out. You will need hours of preparation and training to determine just what works and what doesn't.
My advice is to start training now!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
102011update
The plot thickens.
Police in Chicago have reported that they have discovered the remains of hundreds of Radio Shack toy tanks crushed and scattered along Lake Shore Drive. The tanks all seem to have been destroyed by the high waves spilling over from Lake Michigan unto LSD, rendering their batteries useless. The bulk of the toy tanks where found at the base of the Ace Hardware corporate headquarters. Ace spokesman John Madden, had no comment.
In other news, long time fave Big Lots is once again looking to really shine on BF.
This year's door buster is rumored to be a glow in the dark Halloween pumpkin for only $.99 after $40 mail in rebate.
Big Lots has long been the go to place for really old video tapes, DVDs, and recliners. This is their first run at the "after rebate" marketplace. YT has learned that the hiring of former Staples IT guru Lance Loud may have been the motivation behind Big Lots move to the "after rebate" market. This area has long been the domain of both Staples and Menard's. Big Lots has thumbed their nose at the AR scam, but a cash crunch has made them reconsider. Good Luck with that! YT feels strongly Big Lots should keep an eye on the cash registers on BF. I can see the flames now!
Man I really miss VC!!!!!!
Music and Movie Giant f.y.e has let it leak that they are a bit pissed off by Targets
plans to horn in on the really cheap DVD and Video market. As previously announced, Target made plans to go after this somewhat undefined market that has lung been the home of the Walton s. While f.y.e. does offer "videos and music for less", they would not say how much less. Apparently, lees is still more than Wally or the Bulls eye. When reached for comment, "f.y.e. chooses not to lay down with dogs." was all they would say. Bow Wow!
More news as it climbs into my head,
Gus Pulinski
Police in Chicago have reported that they have discovered the remains of hundreds of Radio Shack toy tanks crushed and scattered along Lake Shore Drive. The tanks all seem to have been destroyed by the high waves spilling over from Lake Michigan unto LSD, rendering their batteries useless. The bulk of the toy tanks where found at the base of the Ace Hardware corporate headquarters. Ace spokesman John Madden, had no comment.
In other news, long time fave Big Lots is once again looking to really shine on BF.
This year's door buster is rumored to be a glow in the dark Halloween pumpkin for only $.99 after $40 mail in rebate.
Big Lots has long been the go to place for really old video tapes, DVDs, and recliners. This is their first run at the "after rebate" marketplace. YT has learned that the hiring of former Staples IT guru Lance Loud may have been the motivation behind Big Lots move to the "after rebate" market. This area has long been the domain of both Staples and Menard's. Big Lots has thumbed their nose at the AR scam, but a cash crunch has made them reconsider. Good Luck with that! YT feels strongly Big Lots should keep an eye on the cash registers on BF. I can see the flames now!
Man I really miss VC!!!!!!
Music and Movie Giant f.y.e has let it leak that they are a bit pissed off by Targets
plans to horn in on the really cheap DVD and Video market. As previously announced, Target made plans to go after this somewhat undefined market that has lung been the home of the Walton s. While f.y.e. does offer "videos and music for less", they would not say how much less. Apparently, lees is still more than Wally or the Bulls eye. When reached for comment, "f.y.e. chooses not to lay down with dogs." was all they would say. Bow Wow!
More news as it climbs into my head,
Gus Pulinski
update part 1,567 RCar Wars
In a stunning move, Ace hardware has stepped out, thrown down the gauntlet, and boldly gone where they have never gone before, into the RC Car Wars! The early release of their BF ad features a Vengeance RC Car for the amazing price of $19.99. While this may seem trivial on the surface, it is Ace Hardware's first foray into the RC Car marketplace. This marketplace has been the domain of Radio Shack for the last 20 years or so. Ace has been looking to expand into the red hot world of cheap RC Cars. It looks like they mean business! Overstock.com is offering the same item currently at 3$9.99 while Amazon.com has it at $37.99. WOW! No if I only had a need for one. YT has also heard that Ace is working on a new slogan to replace the 28 year old "Ace is the place with the helpful hardware man" to an edgier "Screw Radio Shack! We're Ace Hardware Damn it!" In what may be a related act, Radio Shack has declared war on Ace Hardware. Radio shack has released a Remote Controlled Army of tanks to wipe out the Ace headquarters in Chicago IL. More as it becomes available!
In a shocking bit of news released early today, YT has learned that Mega Retailer, WalMart has moved big into the "Cheap DVD's of movies that no one watched when they first came out" category. Walmart is planning on offering such titles as "Air Bud 3 The quest for a bone", "Twiggy the Water Skiing Squirrel Goes to Cypress Gardens" and others titles as Early Bird Door Busters. This has left Target and K- Mart stunned as they were planning on doing the exact same thing.
In a shocking bit of news released early today, YT has learned that Mega Retailer, WalMart has moved big into the "Cheap DVD's of movies that no one watched when they first came out" category. Walmart is planning on offering such titles as "Air Bud 3 The quest for a bone", "Twiggy the Water Skiing Squirrel Goes to Cypress Gardens" and others titles as Early Bird Door Busters. This has left Target and K- Mart stunned as they were planning on doing the exact same thing.
The Phantom Menance
October 17 2011
Well Well Well! The alleged Ace Hardware BF ad is out. Let me tell you this.I believe that it is a trick! YT has been able to trace the source of the leaked ad to a printing company dumpster in Wisconsin Rapids Wisconsin. The D Diver that retrieved the "ad" is the 2nd cousin twice removed of the stock boy at the Peru Menard's. While on the surface this may seem innocent, YT has heard a rumor that Menard's is tied into this "release". The dead giveaway is the fact that for the last 7 years, there have always been "Door Busters" and "batteries" on the Ace Hardware BF Ad. This ad scam has neither. YT believes that the deception is a plot by Meenard's to decrease the number of shoppers, at Debo Hardware, this year to 12, from last years 3 year high of 15 shoppers on a Black Friday. I am not sure how the phony BF ad ties into this diabolical plot but, I smell a rat. We all know how good that I smell.
Also missing from the ad is their traditional crawl through tunnel for kids. This has been a featured item ever since Christ was a Kid. In fact in Mathew 2:2 verses 1-2 it says. "At that time Mary and Joseph went to Debo's Hardware and found that they were closed. They came back the next day at 7:30 AM and bought the traditional kids tunnel snake for Chanukah. When Jesus saw this he was very happy and crawled and smiled." The fact that some of the prices of some of the goods is higher than the same product from last year tells me the if we look hard enough we will find the hand of Menard's. YT has been one of those 10-12 shoppers at Debo in the past few years. This year ... well.... we will see won't we?
Menard's corporate in Appleton WI, would not comment when asked about the incident. Menard's did however let YT know that they will have "Door Busters" and "batteries" available on BF. Menard's also has let it slip that they are actually open before the Debo Ace Hardware in Peru IL, and they are open later. Ouch Babe!!!!
On the national scene, Kelly R Barron was spotted coming out of the Gibson Guitar Company in Memphis TN. There is a longstanding rumor that KRB is working on a BF Deal with the guitar maker. Kelly "Flat Belly" Barron has long been associated with "Martin" guitars. Could a change in that relationship be in the offing? Standby for news on this one.
High Altitude training continues for Darcy "Dark Matter" Barron. Initially we were puzzled by the training move since most of her shopping is at sea level. A week-end conversation with my Chicago source leads me to believe that Dark Matter is looking to scale the Water Tower Place on Michigan Ave in Chicago for the Hammacher Schlemmer, BF event. The HS store is on the 3rd floor the the WTP. This sounds risky to me, but Dark Matter is a seasoned climber and a veteran shopper. DRB has her eye on the "5inch reflecting telescope" DB at HS. When it comes to shopping and DRB,I say "It's the Door Busters that should be afraid!"
Famed Wheel Man, Mark "the Spark" Barron is contemplating a return to the competitive BF scene. Mark best known for his ultra high speed electric Toyota has been more "target specific" in his shopping. Once the wheel man for the elite "Barron Gang", he left when it got too lame in 209. He has never really looked to return until this year. "Spark" is looking for low volume high risk runs this year. YT saw that Spark was out measuring the slope of the parking lot at the Peru Mall. Perhaps he saw one of our recent posts on said parking lot. Sparks steady hand and calm nerve has been missing from the IV/BF scene. Hopefully this means a bit more excitement. I hope so.......
More news as I make it up!!!!!
Cheers
Danny Muldoon
Well Well Well! The alleged Ace Hardware BF ad is out. Let me tell you this.I believe that it is a trick! YT has been able to trace the source of the leaked ad to a printing company dumpster in Wisconsin Rapids Wisconsin. The D Diver that retrieved the "ad" is the 2nd cousin twice removed of the stock boy at the Peru Menard's. While on the surface this may seem innocent, YT has heard a rumor that Menard's is tied into this "release". The dead giveaway is the fact that for the last 7 years, there have always been "Door Busters" and "batteries" on the Ace Hardware BF Ad. This ad scam has neither. YT believes that the deception is a plot by Meenard's to decrease the number of shoppers, at Debo Hardware, this year to 12, from last years 3 year high of 15 shoppers on a Black Friday. I am not sure how the phony BF ad ties into this diabolical plot but, I smell a rat. We all know how good that I smell.
Also missing from the ad is their traditional crawl through tunnel for kids. This has been a featured item ever since Christ was a Kid. In fact in Mathew 2:2 verses 1-2 it says. "At that time Mary and Joseph went to Debo's Hardware and found that they were closed. They came back the next day at 7:30 AM and bought the traditional kids tunnel snake for Chanukah. When Jesus saw this he was very happy and crawled and smiled." The fact that some of the prices of some of the goods is higher than the same product from last year tells me the if we look hard enough we will find the hand of Menard's. YT has been one of those 10-12 shoppers at Debo in the past few years. This year ... well.... we will see won't we?
Menard's corporate in Appleton WI, would not comment when asked about the incident. Menard's did however let YT know that they will have "Door Busters" and "batteries" available on BF. Menard's also has let it slip that they are actually open before the Debo Ace Hardware in Peru IL, and they are open later. Ouch Babe!!!!
On the national scene, Kelly R Barron was spotted coming out of the Gibson Guitar Company in Memphis TN. There is a longstanding rumor that KRB is working on a BF Deal with the guitar maker. Kelly "Flat Belly" Barron has long been associated with "Martin" guitars. Could a change in that relationship be in the offing? Standby for news on this one.
High Altitude training continues for Darcy "Dark Matter" Barron. Initially we were puzzled by the training move since most of her shopping is at sea level. A week-end conversation with my Chicago source leads me to believe that Dark Matter is looking to scale the Water Tower Place on Michigan Ave in Chicago for the Hammacher Schlemmer, BF event. The HS store is on the 3rd floor the the WTP. This sounds risky to me, but Dark Matter is a seasoned climber and a veteran shopper. DRB has her eye on the "5inch reflecting telescope" DB at HS. When it comes to shopping and DRB,I say "It's the Door Busters that should be afraid!"
Famed Wheel Man, Mark "the Spark" Barron is contemplating a return to the competitive BF scene. Mark best known for his ultra high speed electric Toyota has been more "target specific" in his shopping. Once the wheel man for the elite "Barron Gang", he left when it got too lame in 209. He has never really looked to return until this year. "Spark" is looking for low volume high risk runs this year. YT saw that Spark was out measuring the slope of the parking lot at the Peru Mall. Perhaps he saw one of our recent posts on said parking lot. Sparks steady hand and calm nerve has been missing from the IV/BF scene. Hopefully this means a bit more excitement. I hope so.......
More news as I make it up!!!!!
Cheers
Danny Muldoon
10/14/11 Update
Happy Friday! Only 41 days 15 hours and 30 minutes left to go.
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke just announced that he is going to be in the Illinois Valley for the IV/BF event. It seems that Old Ben (As he is affectionately known in some circles) is hoping to to figure out if there is a connection between snow globes, batteries, remote controlled cars, mixed nuts, pot o' gold, smoked sausage, Tide in little bottles, screw drivers, and the economy. A recent study funded by the Americans for a Better Snow Globe, has shown that the sales of these items increases exponentially every Black Friday. The $5 million study has found that there may be, might be, could be, but we are not quite sure, a connection between the increased sale of these items and the weather. YT has just learned that, a container ship carrying batteries, remote controlled cars and trucks, and little bottles of Tide mysteriously sank in the North Pacific yesterday. No survivors were found. Curious? More on this later.
WalMart has announced a new plan for Black Friday shopping. The mega-retailer has long expressed alarm at the growing girth of its shoppers. Last year for the first time, Walmart allowed shoppers into the store before the Door Buster goods were available for sale. It was hoped that in doing so, WalMart shoppers, who average a hefty 362 lbs each and have incontinence issues would be less inclined to trample fellow shoppers on their way to the Door Buster Deals and then to the checkout before hitting the Bathroom. The plan led to less deaths by stampede, but more problems with people having heart attacks caused by holding in their pee so long. This year WalMart will insist that all early bird shoppers must be fitted with a catheter. Those people who chose not to do this will be tethered to a treadmill in the sporting goods area and made to run at least 5 miles in place to prove their worthiness to get the $299.00 laptop that is being offered. It is hoped that this will tire out Early Birds enough to avoid trampling each other to death. YT is not sure how this will work, but applauds Wally for the effort.
In what may be a related matter, word has leaked, no pun intended, that Gap spin-off Old Navy is planning on offering a new version of its famous yoga pants with a built in pocket on the inside right leg that is designed to hold a catheter bottle. The super stretchy pants code named "The Dixie" are Old Navy's first foray into the plus, plus, plus size market. Expected to go on sale at Halloween, they are only available in black and will come in 2 versions, "Really Big Butt" and the larger, triple stitched, double crotch, "Dixie M" version. The pants have been field tested and are rated for up to 6000 pbp (pounds of butt pressure). They also feature a new odor control system called "stink be gone". This sounds very
promising.
The Coffee King Starbucks, ever the marketing genius, has announce today that they will begin selling coffee and other Starbucks beverages to those people that are waiting in line for their local Starbucks to open at 5 AM. the "pre-sales" of coffee will begin at 4 AM. No mention was made of the sale of pastries or other items. YT thinks that this is shear genius. Who doesn't need a caffeine fix while waiting in line for their caffeine fix?
More news as I make it up...
Cheers
Del Griffith
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke just announced that he is going to be in the Illinois Valley for the IV/BF event. It seems that Old Ben (As he is affectionately known in some circles) is hoping to to figure out if there is a connection between snow globes, batteries, remote controlled cars, mixed nuts, pot o' gold, smoked sausage, Tide in little bottles, screw drivers, and the economy. A recent study funded by the Americans for a Better Snow Globe, has shown that the sales of these items increases exponentially every Black Friday. The $5 million study has found that there may be, might be, could be, but we are not quite sure, a connection between the increased sale of these items and the weather. YT has just learned that, a container ship carrying batteries, remote controlled cars and trucks, and little bottles of Tide mysteriously sank in the North Pacific yesterday. No survivors were found. Curious? More on this later.
WalMart has announced a new plan for Black Friday shopping. The mega-retailer has long expressed alarm at the growing girth of its shoppers. Last year for the first time, Walmart allowed shoppers into the store before the Door Buster goods were available for sale. It was hoped that in doing so, WalMart shoppers, who average a hefty 362 lbs each and have incontinence issues would be less inclined to trample fellow shoppers on their way to the Door Buster Deals and then to the checkout before hitting the Bathroom. The plan led to less deaths by stampede, but more problems with people having heart attacks caused by holding in their pee so long. This year WalMart will insist that all early bird shoppers must be fitted with a catheter. Those people who chose not to do this will be tethered to a treadmill in the sporting goods area and made to run at least 5 miles in place to prove their worthiness to get the $299.00 laptop that is being offered. It is hoped that this will tire out Early Birds enough to avoid trampling each other to death. YT is not sure how this will work, but applauds Wally for the effort.
In what may be a related matter, word has leaked, no pun intended, that Gap spin-off Old Navy is planning on offering a new version of its famous yoga pants with a built in pocket on the inside right leg that is designed to hold a catheter bottle. The super stretchy pants code named "The Dixie" are Old Navy's first foray into the plus, plus, plus size market. Expected to go on sale at Halloween, they are only available in black and will come in 2 versions, "Really Big Butt" and the larger, triple stitched, double crotch, "Dixie M" version. The pants have been field tested and are rated for up to 6000 pbp (pounds of butt pressure). They also feature a new odor control system called "stink be gone". This sounds very
promising.
The Coffee King Starbucks, ever the marketing genius, has announce today that they will begin selling coffee and other Starbucks beverages to those people that are waiting in line for their local Starbucks to open at 5 AM. the "pre-sales" of coffee will begin at 4 AM. No mention was made of the sale of pastries or other items. YT thinks that this is shear genius. Who doesn't need a caffeine fix while waiting in line for their caffeine fix?
More news as I make it up...
Cheers
Del Griffith
Number 17 in a Series
this is what happens when you don't plan ahead
BF Out Burst
September 27, 2011 (APPLETON, Wis.) -- A woman whose profanity-laced struggle with store clerks on one of the busiest shopping days of the year has been sentenced to a year's probation in Outagamie County Circuit Court.
Twenty-three-year-old Mariah Pyatskowit pushed over boxes as a clerk wrapped his arms around her to subdue her at the Menards store in Grand Chute last November on the day after Thanksgiving, commonly known as Black Friday. Her outburst came after other shoppers challenged her on cutting in line at the checkout counter. A customer posted the woman's rant on YouTube, which got more than 207,000 hits.
WLUK-TV reports the woman was convicted of disorderly conduct Monday sentenced to probation and ordered to perform 40 hours of community service.
BF Out Burst
September 27, 2011 (APPLETON, Wis.) -- A woman whose profanity-laced struggle with store clerks on one of the busiest shopping days of the year has been sentenced to a year's probation in Outagamie County Circuit Court.
Twenty-three-year-old Mariah Pyatskowit pushed over boxes as a clerk wrapped his arms around her to subdue her at the Menards store in Grand Chute last November on the day after Thanksgiving, commonly known as Black Friday. Her outburst came after other shoppers challenged her on cutting in line at the checkout counter. A customer posted the woman's rant on YouTube, which got more than 207,000 hits.
WLUK-TV reports the woman was convicted of disorderly conduct Monday sentenced to probation and ordered to perform 40 hours of community service.
10/13/11 Update
News Flash!
US customs officials have released the shipment of JC Penney's snow globes from impound. The move, which should mean that Rory will get her "damn snow globe", was not unexpected. The Chinese Trade Commission has released a statement that claims, "We are kinda sorta sorry but not too much. We hope that maybe it won't happen again unless we don't get caught." Yours truly is reserving judgement on the situation until Rory gets her damn snow globe and we can move on. YT was never officially able confirm or deny the whole tears thing.
YT has just received an overnight package from Harbor Freight in California. Maybe they want to kiss and make up! I haven't had a chance to open it yet. It sounds like a clock. It is definitely ticking.! More on that one later.
Mackenzie Barron has been spotted working out at the downtown Houston Dollar Tree store. Rumor is that she can fit 10 pounds of stuff in a 5 pound basket! Kudos to her! The entire BF crowd is wondering which Kenzie will show up this season. Will it be the energetic KRB of 2007 or the lethargic "I need some damn coffee and I need it NOW!" KRB of last year. YT is hoping for the old school KRB. You know, the one that would do anything for a bargain. Why I remember.....I remember..... who are we talking about again? Oh ya Kenzie, well anyway I hope that she shows up ready to rock, not like last year's "I want my coffee and I want it NOW!". Didn't I just say that. I don't remember.
On the local IV/BF scene. YT got a call form the Radio Shack in the mall. They were calling to see how I was doing and if I needed some remote controlled cars, trucks, or batteries. I said I was waiting to see what the door buster deal was going to be before I committed on the whole battery thing.
We are not hardware we are Debo has also dusted off 2 shelves for their BF/DB specials. Word on the street is that they are planning on having a special on batteries, remote controlled cars, screw drivers, and other quality imported products. The planned Ace Hardware GPS offering has been scrapped. Officials at Ace Hardware corporate only commented that when you think GPS, you think CVS! How true, how true!
And speaking of Walgreen's, YT is hoping that they offer the battery DB again this year. I am really pissed at the Radio Shack guy who keep calling me and asking "do you need any remote controlled cars, trucks, or batteries?". Walgreen's has always been my go to place for Mixed Nuts laundry detergent ,and Blue Ray players. Not to mention razors, oh wait I just did. I am thinking that they may sell batteries too. Charles Walgreen himself called me to ask my thoughts on them offering a Garman GPS. I said," Hey Charlie! when I think GPS I think ..... Garman." He also asked me if I needed any "remote controlled cars, trucks , or batteries". Yeah... that's what I said.
California based Dollar Tree. has just ordered another skid load of men's body wash in anticipation of a very sweaty BF season. Rumor is that the body wash is made from the tears of very young Chinese girls from the factory that makes it. That may explain the interesting scent of the body wash. Also, it is rumored that because of the expected arrival of the mysterious Darcy Barron, they will also lay in a supply of tomato juice and wine glasses at their Peru IL location.
And speaking of Darcy and I mean really, who doesn't. YT has learned that she is starting a very rigorous training regimen for the IV/BF festivities. Officials at both the National Institutes of Health and UC Berkley would neither confirm or deny the buzz that Darcy is undergoing intensive testing and training at an "undisclosed location" in hopes of returning to her 2005 BF form. The past few years have found Darcy on the sidelines for the IV/BF scene. There are unconfirmed reports that this is the result of bionic implants gone bad. It has long been believed that Darcy, in an effort to achieve oneness with the whole retail word, had her debit card number imprinted directly on her frontal cortex lobe of her brain. This would have allowed Darcy to just nod her head to pay at the register. Her pin number and digital signature were to be implanted in her middle finger. I am not sure if this ever actually transpired, but if it did, it would explain a lot of misunderstood things.
Hey the package from Harbor Freight has just stopped ticking. May be it needs batteries. Anybody know where I can score some?
Cheers
Buck Russell
US customs officials have released the shipment of JC Penney's snow globes from impound. The move, which should mean that Rory will get her "damn snow globe", was not unexpected. The Chinese Trade Commission has released a statement that claims, "We are kinda sorta sorry but not too much. We hope that maybe it won't happen again unless we don't get caught." Yours truly is reserving judgement on the situation until Rory gets her damn snow globe and we can move on. YT was never officially able confirm or deny the whole tears thing.
YT has just received an overnight package from Harbor Freight in California. Maybe they want to kiss and make up! I haven't had a chance to open it yet. It sounds like a clock. It is definitely ticking.! More on that one later.
Mackenzie Barron has been spotted working out at the downtown Houston Dollar Tree store. Rumor is that she can fit 10 pounds of stuff in a 5 pound basket! Kudos to her! The entire BF crowd is wondering which Kenzie will show up this season. Will it be the energetic KRB of 2007 or the lethargic "I need some damn coffee and I need it NOW!" KRB of last year. YT is hoping for the old school KRB. You know, the one that would do anything for a bargain. Why I remember.....I remember..... who are we talking about again? Oh ya Kenzie, well anyway I hope that she shows up ready to rock, not like last year's "I want my coffee and I want it NOW!". Didn't I just say that. I don't remember.
On the local IV/BF scene. YT got a call form the Radio Shack in the mall. They were calling to see how I was doing and if I needed some remote controlled cars, trucks, or batteries. I said I was waiting to see what the door buster deal was going to be before I committed on the whole battery thing.
We are not hardware we are Debo has also dusted off 2 shelves for their BF/DB specials. Word on the street is that they are planning on having a special on batteries, remote controlled cars, screw drivers, and other quality imported products. The planned Ace Hardware GPS offering has been scrapped. Officials at Ace Hardware corporate only commented that when you think GPS, you think CVS! How true, how true!
And speaking of Walgreen's, YT is hoping that they offer the battery DB again this year. I am really pissed at the Radio Shack guy who keep calling me and asking "do you need any remote controlled cars, trucks, or batteries?". Walgreen's has always been my go to place for Mixed Nuts laundry detergent ,and Blue Ray players. Not to mention razors, oh wait I just did. I am thinking that they may sell batteries too. Charles Walgreen himself called me to ask my thoughts on them offering a Garman GPS. I said," Hey Charlie! when I think GPS I think ..... Garman." He also asked me if I needed any "remote controlled cars, trucks , or batteries". Yeah... that's what I said.
California based Dollar Tree. has just ordered another skid load of men's body wash in anticipation of a very sweaty BF season. Rumor is that the body wash is made from the tears of very young Chinese girls from the factory that makes it. That may explain the interesting scent of the body wash. Also, it is rumored that because of the expected arrival of the mysterious Darcy Barron, they will also lay in a supply of tomato juice and wine glasses at their Peru IL location.
And speaking of Darcy and I mean really, who doesn't. YT has learned that she is starting a very rigorous training regimen for the IV/BF festivities. Officials at both the National Institutes of Health and UC Berkley would neither confirm or deny the buzz that Darcy is undergoing intensive testing and training at an "undisclosed location" in hopes of returning to her 2005 BF form. The past few years have found Darcy on the sidelines for the IV/BF scene. There are unconfirmed reports that this is the result of bionic implants gone bad. It has long been believed that Darcy, in an effort to achieve oneness with the whole retail word, had her debit card number imprinted directly on her frontal cortex lobe of her brain. This would have allowed Darcy to just nod her head to pay at the register. Her pin number and digital signature were to be implanted in her middle finger. I am not sure if this ever actually transpired, but if it did, it would explain a lot of misunderstood things.
Hey the package from Harbor Freight has just stopped ticking. May be it needs batteries. Anybody know where I can score some?
Cheers
Buck Russell
Ain't It Something
Well it's finally here. The first ad of the season has been posted! For those of you that don't believe that everything "is as it should be", I was on the phone with a buyer from Harbor Freight in California when I received the e-mail that the first ad of the year was just posted on BFads.net.
Now the buyer at Harbor Freight was not happy with me. I had quoted him on some of the Dehnco Equipment product that is similar to but very different from something sold by a competitor.The buyer basically told me that I was lying to him and truing to cheat him by not selling him the Dehnco Product at a competitors price. He said, "I can't believe that you won't price match". "I thought that I saw that you price match on your website!" I laughed and told him that it was probably more environmentally sound to purchase the products from a local vendor. He said, "So you don't want my business?" I said, "No thanks, Not at that price." He paused a minute, flabbergasted, and then hung up on me.
So I guess we can take Harbor Freight off the Christmas shopping list! That's OK their store is in Palatine anyway and I of course will be in SV. I am hoping that I don't get a call from the Kohl's buyer next. that could be a problem!
In a shocking bit of news,Yours Truly has learned that the JCP snow globes have been held up in US customs. It seems that the liquid inside the globes is made up entirely of the tears of underage female workers in the Chinese factory where they are made. Shocking! I am not sure how this will affect the JCP turnout, but I can tell you that Rory wants "her damn snow globe". This may get messy!
In further distressing news, word has reached us that the animal that is used to make the "Hickory Farms All Beef Smoked Sausage" has gone extinct. The last mating pair, shot themselves to death in an apparent murder/suicide pact. A note was allegedly found next to the bodies blaming the "incredible pressure to re-produce". I am not sure how this will affect the production of "hickory Farms All Beef Smoked Sausage". Only time will tell.
There was no comment from Hickory Farms on the rumor that Hickory Farms is buying up large tracts of prime guinea pig breeding land in Brazil.
More news as it becomes available!
Cheers
Now the buyer at Harbor Freight was not happy with me. I had quoted him on some of the Dehnco Equipment product that is similar to but very different from something sold by a competitor.The buyer basically told me that I was lying to him and truing to cheat him by not selling him the Dehnco Product at a competitors price. He said, "I can't believe that you won't price match". "I thought that I saw that you price match on your website!" I laughed and told him that it was probably more environmentally sound to purchase the products from a local vendor. He said, "So you don't want my business?" I said, "No thanks, Not at that price." He paused a minute, flabbergasted, and then hung up on me.
So I guess we can take Harbor Freight off the Christmas shopping list! That's OK their store is in Palatine anyway and I of course will be in SV. I am hoping that I don't get a call from the Kohl's buyer next. that could be a problem!
In a shocking bit of news,Yours Truly has learned that the JCP snow globes have been held up in US customs. It seems that the liquid inside the globes is made up entirely of the tears of underage female workers in the Chinese factory where they are made. Shocking! I am not sure how this will affect the JCP turnout, but I can tell you that Rory wants "her damn snow globe". This may get messy!
In further distressing news, word has reached us that the animal that is used to make the "Hickory Farms All Beef Smoked Sausage" has gone extinct. The last mating pair, shot themselves to death in an apparent murder/suicide pact. A note was allegedly found next to the bodies blaming the "incredible pressure to re-produce". I am not sure how this will affect the production of "hickory Farms All Beef Smoked Sausage". Only time will tell.
There was no comment from Hickory Farms on the rumor that Hickory Farms is buying up large tracts of prime guinea pig breeding land in Brazil.
More news as it becomes available!
Cheers
55
Black Friday Patrol 9-30-2011 Just 55 days and counting down
The Parking Lot
I was on Google Earth recently checking out the parking lot of the Peru Mall. Based on my high-resolution pictures, it a clear that we should look to park on the Eastside of the building this year. I have noticed several spots of bad pavement on the west (Bergner’s) side. I don’t want any repeats of the Mackenzie Barron “Oops I blew out a heel” incident of 2002. As we all recall, that one nearly cost us a spot in line for the Mall gift bags. As I am sure everyone remembers 2002 was the year of the buy one get one ½ off coupon at Hickory Farms. I don’t care who you are; half price sausage is still half price sausage. Add a little spicy mustard, a few Town House crackers, and you have yourself a feast.
Anyway back to the parking lot. I was reviewing the plat of survey for the Mall and noticed that the lot is also slightly pitched to the south at that pint. While this may seem trivial to you, it means that the early morning sun on the 25th of November should be at precisely the right spot to show off Maureen’s dead sexy high def sunglasses as she opens the trunk of the car after round one of the festivities. These things are important people. Style matters. Let’s think about this one. If you look really fabulous in a parking lot at 6:30 AM and no one sees it, are you still really fabulous? I say hell yes! Ask Rory about that one. She still parks her car as far away as she needs to, to turn the most heads. Is that wrong? Maybe but it is still mostly harmless.
Anyway back to the lousy parking lot. The South end of the lot remains off limits to us as the whole “You never buy anything from Sears” thing has reared its ugly head again. I had hoped that the Kenzie “monster cable” purchase of 2009 would have smoothed things over a bit. I was wrong. It seems that Mark’s stunning “Sears battery charge is cheaper at K-Mart” observation may have been the reason for the “No Fly Zone” around Sears. You would think that K-Mart would give them a heads up. I still have the image of Maureen and I standing in line at K-Mart at 5:50 AM 3 years ago in the snow and cold, to get the precious “Pot O’ Gold”. Talk about your Gollum moment. “I need my Precious” Pot o’ Gold, it’s a worse habit than Crystal Meth!
Anyway, back to the stinking parking lot. The East side lot will offer the most options for us. From that vantage point, we can see the flames licking their way up the sides of Staples as the cash registers ignite under the load of 3 transactions a minute. The contrast between the rising sun and the curling smoke is stunning. And I am told if you look closely you can see the line actually moving at Menard’s. And lets face it, when I think Menard’s, I think of flat panel TV’s, Men’s clothing and Mixed Nuts. Now when I think GPS, I think………wait for it ……here it comes……When I think GPS, I think CVS!
Anyway, back to the stupid no good park lot. It is much easier to get into Penney’s for the damn snow globe that we missed last year for the first time in 10 years. And let’s look at why that was. Who in their right mind, would get up at 3:33 AM, to stand in line at Penney’s, to get a snow globe at 4:00 AM. Penney’s is on the cusp of elimination anyway. Last years rebate…what rebate? Who ever mentioned a rebate? I don’t recall any rebate being offered on that product. You must have us confused with Benney’s. I think they had the rebate and the snow globes. Yea that’s it… Benney’s. They’re over in Princeton right by the WalMark. I personally draw the line 4:00 AM to stand in line at 4:30 to get Pot O’ Gold at K-Mart at 6:00 AM but that is a different story. I am always torn between Breg’s at 3, Penney’s at 4, and K-Mart at 5, Big Lots at 5:30 or sleeping until 6.
Kohl’s on the other hand is a horse of a different color. The whole Kohl’s, WalMart, Starbuck’s triangle is fraught with peril. Ever since Kelly left Kohl’s, she’s been stalked by the, “Ghost of Discounts Past”. I have heard that in an effort to get her back to Kohl’s, they have offered to put her face back on the $5 Kohl’s Cash Bill. And WalMart, well that one is a topic for another day.
Anyway back to the damn stinkin’ parking lot. The high def satellite feed shows that we have 55 days and a few hours to get this worked out. And then there’s the whole Marshall’s thing to discuss and we haven’t even really talked about CVS. Hey when I think GPS, I think CVs! Then there is the whole streaming Blue ray player thing at Walgreen’s. When I think, Blue Ray I think HooRay for Walgreen’s. Wow that is catchy little phrase. Do you think I should register it? And then there is the whole Dollar Tree/Dollar General thing. More on that later!
Anyway….
The Parking Lot
I was on Google Earth recently checking out the parking lot of the Peru Mall. Based on my high-resolution pictures, it a clear that we should look to park on the Eastside of the building this year. I have noticed several spots of bad pavement on the west (Bergner’s) side. I don’t want any repeats of the Mackenzie Barron “Oops I blew out a heel” incident of 2002. As we all recall, that one nearly cost us a spot in line for the Mall gift bags. As I am sure everyone remembers 2002 was the year of the buy one get one ½ off coupon at Hickory Farms. I don’t care who you are; half price sausage is still half price sausage. Add a little spicy mustard, a few Town House crackers, and you have yourself a feast.
Anyway back to the parking lot. I was reviewing the plat of survey for the Mall and noticed that the lot is also slightly pitched to the south at that pint. While this may seem trivial to you, it means that the early morning sun on the 25th of November should be at precisely the right spot to show off Maureen’s dead sexy high def sunglasses as she opens the trunk of the car after round one of the festivities. These things are important people. Style matters. Let’s think about this one. If you look really fabulous in a parking lot at 6:30 AM and no one sees it, are you still really fabulous? I say hell yes! Ask Rory about that one. She still parks her car as far away as she needs to, to turn the most heads. Is that wrong? Maybe but it is still mostly harmless.
Anyway back to the lousy parking lot. The South end of the lot remains off limits to us as the whole “You never buy anything from Sears” thing has reared its ugly head again. I had hoped that the Kenzie “monster cable” purchase of 2009 would have smoothed things over a bit. I was wrong. It seems that Mark’s stunning “Sears battery charge is cheaper at K-Mart” observation may have been the reason for the “No Fly Zone” around Sears. You would think that K-Mart would give them a heads up. I still have the image of Maureen and I standing in line at K-Mart at 5:50 AM 3 years ago in the snow and cold, to get the precious “Pot O’ Gold”. Talk about your Gollum moment. “I need my Precious” Pot o’ Gold, it’s a worse habit than Crystal Meth!
Anyway, back to the stinking parking lot. The East side lot will offer the most options for us. From that vantage point, we can see the flames licking their way up the sides of Staples as the cash registers ignite under the load of 3 transactions a minute. The contrast between the rising sun and the curling smoke is stunning. And I am told if you look closely you can see the line actually moving at Menard’s. And lets face it, when I think Menard’s, I think of flat panel TV’s, Men’s clothing and Mixed Nuts. Now when I think GPS, I think………wait for it ……here it comes……When I think GPS, I think CVS!
Anyway, back to the stupid no good park lot. It is much easier to get into Penney’s for the damn snow globe that we missed last year for the first time in 10 years. And let’s look at why that was. Who in their right mind, would get up at 3:33 AM, to stand in line at Penney’s, to get a snow globe at 4:00 AM. Penney’s is on the cusp of elimination anyway. Last years rebate…what rebate? Who ever mentioned a rebate? I don’t recall any rebate being offered on that product. You must have us confused with Benney’s. I think they had the rebate and the snow globes. Yea that’s it… Benney’s. They’re over in Princeton right by the WalMark. I personally draw the line 4:00 AM to stand in line at 4:30 to get Pot O’ Gold at K-Mart at 6:00 AM but that is a different story. I am always torn between Breg’s at 3, Penney’s at 4, and K-Mart at 5, Big Lots at 5:30 or sleeping until 6.
Kohl’s on the other hand is a horse of a different color. The whole Kohl’s, WalMart, Starbuck’s triangle is fraught with peril. Ever since Kelly left Kohl’s, she’s been stalked by the, “Ghost of Discounts Past”. I have heard that in an effort to get her back to Kohl’s, they have offered to put her face back on the $5 Kohl’s Cash Bill. And WalMart, well that one is a topic for another day.
Anyway back to the damn stinkin’ parking lot. The high def satellite feed shows that we have 55 days and a few hours to get this worked out. And then there’s the whole Marshall’s thing to discuss and we haven’t even really talked about CVS. Hey when I think GPS, I think CVs! Then there is the whole streaming Blue ray player thing at Walgreen’s. When I think, Blue Ray I think HooRay for Walgreen’s. Wow that is catchy little phrase. Do you think I should register it? And then there is the whole Dollar Tree/Dollar General thing. More on that later!
Anyway….
A separate attempt
Black Friday Update
Apparently news of Darcy Barron's return the IV BF scene has spurred on radical action by Left Coast Retailers! I a surprising but not totally unexpected move, a Russian emigre cab driver was allegedly hired by the So Cal Chamber of Commerce to prevent Darcy from making a triumphal return to the IV for the T-Day festivities. Ms. Barron was in her own words, "shaken not stirred" when her 2011 Benz C class was rammed by a taxi driven by former KGB operative Boris Lipoff outside a swank SD boutique.
Lipoff, who has ties to the Russian Mafia is being held without bond at the SDPD lock up. A cocktail napkin from the Summer House in Lahoya was found in the drivers pocket. The number to a local Sears Outlet was found on the napkin. Sears has no comment at this time. The So Cal Chamber of Commerce has repeatedly denied any connection with Lipoff.
Ms Barron is in great shape (as usual) and was seen shopping at the UCSD campus bookstore later in the day. She has told us privately that she is not surprised by the attempt, merely annoyed by the apparent lack of planning. "Any idiot with a lick of sense knows that the mass of the mass of the taxi was insufficient to create enough kinetic energy to displace the angular motion of my car. I mean really a third grader knows that! Angular motion people Angular motion!"
The Department of Homeland Security had "no comment" when asked about the possible terrorist implications. The IV CofC was "shocked and outraged" by the "obvious attempt to injure one of our biggest retail resources." Yours truly was not surprised by the attempt. Only the clumsiness of it. You don't send your chickens to eagle school and you don't send a cabbie when you go hunting for big game!
UB
Apparently news of Darcy Barron's return the IV BF scene has spurred on radical action by Left Coast Retailers! I a surprising but not totally unexpected move, a Russian emigre cab driver was allegedly hired by the So Cal Chamber of Commerce to prevent Darcy from making a triumphal return to the IV for the T-Day festivities. Ms. Barron was in her own words, "shaken not stirred" when her 2011 Benz C class was rammed by a taxi driven by former KGB operative Boris Lipoff outside a swank SD boutique.
Lipoff, who has ties to the Russian Mafia is being held without bond at the SDPD lock up. A cocktail napkin from the Summer House in Lahoya was found in the drivers pocket. The number to a local Sears Outlet was found on the napkin. Sears has no comment at this time. The So Cal Chamber of Commerce has repeatedly denied any connection with Lipoff.
Ms Barron is in great shape (as usual) and was seen shopping at the UCSD campus bookstore later in the day. She has told us privately that she is not surprised by the attempt, merely annoyed by the apparent lack of planning. "Any idiot with a lick of sense knows that the mass of the mass of the taxi was insufficient to create enough kinetic energy to displace the angular motion of my car. I mean really a third grader knows that! Angular motion people Angular motion!"
The Department of Homeland Security had "no comment" when asked about the possible terrorist implications. The IV CofC was "shocked and outraged" by the "obvious attempt to injure one of our biggest retail resources." Yours truly was not surprised by the attempt. Only the clumsiness of it. You don't send your chickens to eagle school and you don't send a cabbie when you go hunting for big game!
UB
The Plot Thickens
Well now, lets see. 64 days and counting. Still no activity on BF ads front. Here are today's hottest BF hope for's.
Disturbing news from the sausage front. Apparently eating smoked sausage like tooth paste is bad for you. Who knew? This should impact the Hickory Farms people right away and the toothbrush people a little later.
CVS has adopted an all or nothing approach for this BF. There signature HD Sunglasses are rumored to be the lead item on their BF hit list. This should knock their famous GPS offering to page 2. When I think GPS, I think CVS! This move should increase sales by at least one unit. They are also considering actually having more than 4 things on their list this year.... Look who is steppin' out!
In retaliation, Walgreen's in an effort to upstage struggling K-Mart is contemplating adding "Pot O' Gold " to their already chocolate heavy BF offering. This move could be devastating to the big K as veteran shoppers always seek this one out. Can you say price wars?
Dollar Tree is toying with the idea of a "99 cent special" for BF. While this may not seem like much, every penny counts. Dollar Tree would neither confirm or deny this report.
Radio Shack has hinted that it may be offering remote control toys as their lead Door Buster items. Shocking!!! This news was eagerly received by the 6 people who will be standing in line at 6:45AM on BF.
Staples is beefing up their sales force for BF. Apparently they are going for a record this season. Last year it took nearly 35 minutes for the cash registers to crash. This year the hope is to bring them down in under 30. To make things interesting it is rumored that Staples plans to offer a 8 TB hard drive for $29.95. good luck with that!
Menard's is keeping quiet about their DB's, but our insider says that the TV /tool maven is thinking outside the box and may be planning a battery "sale to end all sales". No confirmation on that one. Stay tuned!
Home Depot is also sticking it's toe into the battery sale waters.
They are planning on offering a 9 volt battery for under $1 as well as their signature GPS and TV offerings.
I was reading a BF blog and apparently the famed west coast shopping maven known only as "The Dark One" is rumored to be sneaking into the Illinois Valley shopping frenzy for BF and then blowing back out . This is serious news. Many retailers have been struggling since her disappearance from the IV/BF scene several years ago. Her return is only rumored but where there is hope there is hype!
TTFN
BF Bart
Disturbing news from the sausage front. Apparently eating smoked sausage like tooth paste is bad for you. Who knew? This should impact the Hickory Farms people right away and the toothbrush people a little later.
CVS has adopted an all or nothing approach for this BF. There signature HD Sunglasses are rumored to be the lead item on their BF hit list. This should knock their famous GPS offering to page 2. When I think GPS, I think CVS! This move should increase sales by at least one unit. They are also considering actually having more than 4 things on their list this year.... Look who is steppin' out!
In retaliation, Walgreen's in an effort to upstage struggling K-Mart is contemplating adding "Pot O' Gold " to their already chocolate heavy BF offering. This move could be devastating to the big K as veteran shoppers always seek this one out. Can you say price wars?
Dollar Tree is toying with the idea of a "99 cent special" for BF. While this may not seem like much, every penny counts. Dollar Tree would neither confirm or deny this report.
Radio Shack has hinted that it may be offering remote control toys as their lead Door Buster items. Shocking!!! This news was eagerly received by the 6 people who will be standing in line at 6:45AM on BF.
Staples is beefing up their sales force for BF. Apparently they are going for a record this season. Last year it took nearly 35 minutes for the cash registers to crash. This year the hope is to bring them down in under 30. To make things interesting it is rumored that Staples plans to offer a 8 TB hard drive for $29.95. good luck with that!
Menard's is keeping quiet about their DB's, but our insider says that the TV /tool maven is thinking outside the box and may be planning a battery "sale to end all sales". No confirmation on that one. Stay tuned!
Home Depot is also sticking it's toe into the battery sale waters.
They are planning on offering a 9 volt battery for under $1 as well as their signature GPS and TV offerings.
I was reading a BF blog and apparently the famed west coast shopping maven known only as "The Dark One" is rumored to be sneaking into the Illinois Valley shopping frenzy for BF and then blowing back out . This is serious news. Many retailers have been struggling since her disappearance from the IV/BF scene several years ago. Her return is only rumored but where there is hope there is hype!
TTFN
BF Bart
Preparations
People,
This is a gentle reminder. We have 65 days to get in shape for Black Friday. While this may seem like a lot of time, we can't assume anything. This means that we need to train more. Things like not sleeping for 3 days to get your body ready for that all night sprint. People may say "No Sleeping for 3 days? Isn't that a little extreme?". I don't know, ask Rory, she has been doing it for 3 months now to be ready for Black Friday. If that's wrong, she don't want to be right.... Is hiking through the wilderness to purge your brain of all retail (who pays retail anyway?) images preparation? I don't know, but Kelly has just spent 40 days and nights in the wilderness meditating and chanting "Koooooooooooooooohl's". Has Kenzie not spent the entire summer doing 12 ounce curls to strengthen her wrists and arms? Of course she has.. That's what the pro's do. They prepare to be prepared. I for one have started practicing standing in line for 45 minutes waiting for a gift bag at the mall. You may say to yourself, "Hey that doesn't sound too tough." I say "Hey you're right. I'm old leave me alone!". Well let me remind you that everyone has a role. Every role regardless of how minor it seems is part of a bigger effort. That effort is what determines whether or not Kenzie gets her bullet blender . Will Charles T ever show up? These things matter....or not.
The difference between a good black Friday and a great black Friday is just that, attention to detail, that we have become famous for. Why isn't Darcy copied on this e-mail? Well it just could be that she doesn't pay attention to details, or it could be that she won't be around for Black Friday, or it could just be that I can't seem to find her e-mail address. That's not important right now. What is important is that we do our best, to do our duty, to be brave and .... wait a minute that's something else. What is important is that we are prepared to be prepared.
There are bigger things at stake than even we know. Fed Chief Ben Bernanke has asked me to remind you that It's not about the bullet blender. It's not about the Snuggie. It's not even about the Beef Stick at Hickory Farms. (Hey Ben hold on there.. It should always be about the sausage). It's about being there. It's about the sights and sounds of the event. Speaking of that do you remember the girl ahead of us in line the last time we were at VC ( I really miss VC) for Black Friday. Talk about YOUR sights and smells. Anyway Ben says that it's about making the effort to make an effort. Ben wasn't real clear at the time. I think he had been drinking and eating Hickory Farms Beef Sausage, but I am not sure. I think that what he meant was that sometimes it's about just being there.
Will Kmart make it through another year? I don't know, but I will be there. Will the cash registers at Staples crash and burn like the Hindenburg? I don't know , but I will be there too . Will Radio Shack have people standing in line at 7 because they aren't open yet? You bet and we will all be there to see it and say :WHY?". Will Target have lots of confused people trying to figure out why they just didn't stay up and go to WalMart? Of course they will and its our job to snicker at them as we sip on our double caf/skim/no whip/peppermint /latte's. Will Menard's have a line of cars stretching in all directions as far as the eye can see? You can bet your sweet butt they will. Will we get a damn snow globe at Penney's? Well that depends on whether or not Rory's sleep deprivation thing works or not. 3 AM is still too damn early for me. Tempting but .....
It's not about the line. It never has been. It's about the people in the line. Has it?
Was it about the line when when that lady crashed out at Kohl's 3 years ago? Of course not! she had triple by-pass surgery right there in line and still got her Kohl's Cash. Was it abut the line at VC. Remember the last time we were at VC? Wait a minute I think I am having a flash back. Anyway that damn line has to keep moving, unless its at Staples and then it just goes up in flames like the Hindenburg! Hey wait a minute didn't I just say that?
"Remember to remember to prepare to be prepared" that's is my motto. If we all do that then this will be the best Black Friday ever! this year....
UB
This is a gentle reminder. We have 65 days to get in shape for Black Friday. While this may seem like a lot of time, we can't assume anything. This means that we need to train more. Things like not sleeping for 3 days to get your body ready for that all night sprint. People may say "No Sleeping for 3 days? Isn't that a little extreme?". I don't know, ask Rory, she has been doing it for 3 months now to be ready for Black Friday. If that's wrong, she don't want to be right.... Is hiking through the wilderness to purge your brain of all retail (who pays retail anyway?) images preparation? I don't know, but Kelly has just spent 40 days and nights in the wilderness meditating and chanting "Koooooooooooooooohl's". Has Kenzie not spent the entire summer doing 12 ounce curls to strengthen her wrists and arms? Of course she has.. That's what the pro's do. They prepare to be prepared. I for one have started practicing standing in line for 45 minutes waiting for a gift bag at the mall. You may say to yourself, "Hey that doesn't sound too tough." I say "Hey you're right. I'm old leave me alone!". Well let me remind you that everyone has a role. Every role regardless of how minor it seems is part of a bigger effort. That effort is what determines whether or not Kenzie gets her bullet blender . Will Charles T ever show up? These things matter....or not.
The difference between a good black Friday and a great black Friday is just that, attention to detail, that we have become famous for. Why isn't Darcy copied on this e-mail? Well it just could be that she doesn't pay attention to details, or it could be that she won't be around for Black Friday, or it could just be that I can't seem to find her e-mail address. That's not important right now. What is important is that we do our best, to do our duty, to be brave and .... wait a minute that's something else. What is important is that we are prepared to be prepared.
There are bigger things at stake than even we know. Fed Chief Ben Bernanke has asked me to remind you that It's not about the bullet blender. It's not about the Snuggie. It's not even about the Beef Stick at Hickory Farms. (Hey Ben hold on there.. It should always be about the sausage). It's about being there. It's about the sights and sounds of the event. Speaking of that do you remember the girl ahead of us in line the last time we were at VC ( I really miss VC) for Black Friday. Talk about YOUR sights and smells. Anyway Ben says that it's about making the effort to make an effort. Ben wasn't real clear at the time. I think he had been drinking and eating Hickory Farms Beef Sausage, but I am not sure. I think that what he meant was that sometimes it's about just being there.
Will Kmart make it through another year? I don't know, but I will be there. Will the cash registers at Staples crash and burn like the Hindenburg? I don't know , but I will be there too . Will Radio Shack have people standing in line at 7 because they aren't open yet? You bet and we will all be there to see it and say :WHY?". Will Target have lots of confused people trying to figure out why they just didn't stay up and go to WalMart? Of course they will and its our job to snicker at them as we sip on our double caf/skim/no whip/peppermint /latte's. Will Menard's have a line of cars stretching in all directions as far as the eye can see? You can bet your sweet butt they will. Will we get a damn snow globe at Penney's? Well that depends on whether or not Rory's sleep deprivation thing works or not. 3 AM is still too damn early for me. Tempting but .....
It's not about the line. It never has been. It's about the people in the line. Has it?
Was it about the line when when that lady crashed out at Kohl's 3 years ago? Of course not! she had triple by-pass surgery right there in line and still got her Kohl's Cash. Was it abut the line at VC. Remember the last time we were at VC? Wait a minute I think I am having a flash back. Anyway that damn line has to keep moving, unless its at Staples and then it just goes up in flames like the Hindenburg! Hey wait a minute didn't I just say that?
"Remember to remember to prepare to be prepared" that's is my motto. If we all do that then this will be the best Black Friday ever! this year....
UB
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)