Oh the Humanity

This just in!

Office Products Giant Staples has petitioned Dictionary writer Webster's to have the definition of the word "Instant" changed from it's current meaning of "at this time or immediately" to mean "sometime before the next Easter". While on the surface this may seem silly. experienced BF shoppers can smell a rat! Staples has long used the rebate strategy to lure shoppers into their stores on BF. The "after rebate" model has been described by long time BF'ers as BS. By changing the meaning of Instant, Staples is hoping to avoid complaints from it's BF shoppers. We have all watched hope die a painful death waiting for the rebate check

An unnamed BF Staples regular points out that the Staples rebate form reads something like a "Chinese Cook book". "If you are lucky enough to actually figure it out, you wait until Memorial Day for the money." The rebate forms, which ideally are printed by the cash register as you check out, have long been blamed for the smoke and flames that come out of each register five minutes into the BF shopping day. Those registers burn quicker than the HIndenburg! Oh the humanity!

The 10 foot long forms, are always a source of aggravation. Some families like to have contests to see which will come first, the Easter Bunny or the Money. "It's a great way to keep the kids busy during the long winter" another shopper added. I know several families that use the rebate forms as streamers for their New Years EVe parties. "Its cheaper than confetti and curls easier" one shopper added. "The scorch marks from the burning printer only add to their charm".

Webster's Dictionary is considering the petition. It is expected to take 2-3 weeks to resolve. It may be a co-ink-e-dink but that puts us right at the start of the BF week. Hmmm. Staples has not commented on the petition other than to say. "Hey! It's worth a shot! You know, what do we have to loose?" Your Dignity people, you can loose your dignity!

By the way, I saw a truck backing into the local Staples loading dock. It was full of batteries, Lots and Lots of batteries. Word on the street is that Staples is offering a special door buster deal on the new HP net pad. The rumored price is $149.00 and it comes with the new "Sky Net operating system. It has Wi-Fi and a built in camera with a laser range finder. It also has something called a "launch button". Sounds cool. I will have to check it out!

More as it happens!
UB